You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April, 2005.
The battle of Red face and Yellow face
Valentino, Victor, Meiting and Me
Fei and Me
Dear and Me
Mie n Me
Group photo
My birthday cake
Date: 26/04/05
Day: Tuesday
Time:11.53pm
Weather: Heaty leh
Mood: ok ok la.. Kinda Stress Until blur blur le hahah
Actually had a not very good conversation (a short one haha) with dear jus now because of a very small matter… I noe i shouldnt be angry with that matter. but i donknow why i get angry oso.. After that i den noe that actually dear is not really happy and shock of wat i ans him back… But… But… Wat dear tell me after that is the most important part for me.. Although is may be a very small matter or a very small comment he told me .. but to me i hear liao i quite happy coz he makes me feel that i did not choose the wrong person…
Dear im so happy that u actually thought of the situation im in and u did not get angry with wat i say as u say u usually will get angry and hang the phone if is people who are not very close. To me u are someone who can really guide me along the way… Thanks for everything… I LOVE U
Date: 25/04/05
Day: Monday
Time: 11.07pm
Weather: humid and warm
Mood: Lost??
This few days i find that i seems to be talking less and less to my daddy… Last nite i did something very wrong which im not suppose to do. Still remember last year i suddenly peek into dad’s sms accidentally, i saw some sms which is really weird from a woman… Den yesterday afternoon my sister ask me whether i noe something den she said she saw some sms in dad phone. Den i was thinking of that matter which i doubted last year.. Den in the evening, i take a look at daddy sms w/o him noeing.. I noe is sinful and im not suppose to do that.. i jus wanna noe wat my sis saw… Den i find that those sms is really weird… maybe i jus hate to belive my eyes with wat i saw… Where has my good impression of my daddy gone to… i used to think that my daddy is a good husband despite the gambling side.. Coz he help my mum with house work, from washing of plates, washing of clothes to hanging of clothes.. I even hope that my future husband is someone like my daddy who will help me with house work.. but now i have a 180 degree turn in to the impression of my dad… I don wish my future husband to be like him anymore…He give me a feeling that he doesnt seems to need us.He don really care also. Im getting more and more disappointed by him… WE jus cannot judge a book by its cover… I really hate the feeling now… i feel so restless and helpless.. i cant do anything to help my mum… sometime i really pity my mum she deserve someone better than my dad… I cant imagine if my mum happen to noe abt this. Wat will happen? I gonna have a broken family… i noe i cant be so selfish but my selfishness is not because of myself don wan a broken family.. i just don wanna see my mum sad again or maybe sad again at this point of time… She is sick for this few days.. trying very hard to make her happy each day… don wan her to feel sad…. Im so lost now wat should i do? Try very hard not to brood over all this thing and not to think about it le but i stil cant help it.
Date: 24/04/05
Day: Sunday
Time: 3.53pm
Weather: Rainy
Mood: Down..
Details:
Wake up early in the morning at around 8 coz we need to go to my grand father house… Mummy ah mei and me take bus to macpherson at around 9 plus… Around of thoughts are running in my mind… Those nice memories, happy days and happy outings… jus come flowing in… Life is really so contradicting and so unpredictable…yesterday we can be happily together den tmr we can behave like a total stranger… Today came and ask me whether i knew something abt my daddy… Actually that thing i found out long ago but i dare not ask my daddy coz i scare i myself cant take it… I oso noe that if my mum found out she sure cant take it… she will collaspe de.. i don wan to see my mum like that… This few week certain things are making me so confused i don noe wat to do… and i jus don have the mood to do anything… don feel like goin home… i noe i cant have this thinking coz mummy need me and my sis rite now.. i must be strong and let her fang xin and not to worry abt me… Im trying very hard not to cry in front of anyone… especially my mummy.. hiaz… how i wish holiday faster come… i thought i can have a happy celebration with my family on my coming birthday but i don think can le… i jus feel so stress up… one thing after another… i jus hate it…Grhhzzzzzzzzz………………………………………..
…Early Bird…
Im the earliest in class today.. Actually meeting fei to come sch de but she tell me she not coming to sch le so i come alone… Board the train at around 7.55 is so early lor i oso don know why so early haha… im feeling quite tired… the train is fill with so many people and i found that i seems to be the only student there coz the rest look so professional in their clothings…. REach dodby gaugh at around 8.15.. is so early.. i noe if i go sch at this time i will sure be the first one… so boring… so i decide to walk the long route haha.. exercise abit… i went to peace centre and bought the barley water den slowly walk to sch… by den the time is around 8.35 le… i was thinking in class there should be some of my classmate le, but den there no one there.. im still the earliest…James always tell us not to be late for his class yet he is always late de… when we are late he will grumble den he is late, he will come in and jus pretend nothing happen and start to see our work.. nv teach us much oso … haiyoh so disappointing.. frankly speaking director i don think i learnt much from James leh… haha… Today gonna stay back in sch to do some animation… at least 5 sec… that wat Roi wans…. more to go if i have the time to blog tonite…
ConFideNt-Less
Since yesterday I’ve been thinking abt something, am i really that lack of confidence? There is a lot of stuffs that i back out due to my lack of confidence…
Although alot of people told me that no need to scare or wat.. But somehow i still cant overcome it.. Sometime jus hate it, but nv show it out. Jus like the singing one.. i noe i would like to sing but when i thought of the competition thingy and those tv stuffs it jus make me goes numb.. haha.. I jus don have the guts to do so..
I always think that im not good enough or not capable to do certain things… and i jus don like the pressure which is pressing me..Im somebody which don like to have pressure pressing onto me.. Wat m i talking? Who like to pressure on them rite ? If there is no pressure how are we goin to achieve our goals or do thing better. Im so contradicting now.. Haiyoh…. there another which im lack of confidence oso… although i have a lot of assurance but i jus don know why i feel so leh? A mixture of feeling Fear plus Jealousy hiaz nvm la .. i will be ok after a while..
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